Just Your Average Wednesday

It’s been quite a while since I’ve updated the blog, but don’t be discouraged, I have a good reason for the delay. First of all, my old college roommate (who we call Tuna… don’t ask) was in town visiting. Second, my dad and his friend (coincidently) decided to visit Moscow at the same time. Third, I’ve been working my ass off! These three factors are plenty. I’ve literally had no free time between teaching and being a city tour guide. However, having visitors did allow me to explore some different sides of the city that I’d otherwise never go to. And that brings us to the chapter of this blog- The Vodka Museum.

While I was working, Tuna would be off on his own exploring the city. However, I got a nice break one afternoon. One of my classes was canceled, meaning I had the whole day free. So what do you do in Russia in the middle of the day with nothing to do you may ask? Well, what do you think- Drink! I called my Russian friend, Albina, and explained to her the situation, “We need a good, touristy thing to show Tuna, any recommendations?” Of course, Albina came through. We met up with her at a metro station on the blue line in the center of the city half an hour later.

When we got off, we found ourselves in a sketchy area outlined with factories, dirty outdoor markets and smelly shashliki (a kind of Southern Russian/Georgian shish kebab) stands. Nonetheless, Albina assured me that it was worth the track through the outdoor markets to get to the museum. In fact, she didn’t have to say much, “free vodka shots” was enough.

We then arrived at this huge compound resembling a typical Siberian town. It was a walled kremlin with wooden architecture, shops and even a church. Pretty cool I must say so myself. It was like a mini Russian-style Disneyland. We entered the Siberian village, walked around, absorbed the scenery, then got thirsty. “Ok, museum time!”

The Vodka museum was quite small, but that didn’t stop it from being covered wall to wall with various vodka name brands and the history behind them. I’ve never seen so many bottles in one room in my life! I got a buzz just from looking at it. Albina took us around and translated all the information regarding the history of Russia’s (and perhaps the world’s) favorite drink. You never would have guessed that vodka had such an interesting history. Also, I learned that vodka just isn’t for getting wasted. If you’re sick, you rub a little bit of it on a hot towel and wrap it around your neck at night while you sleep. When you wake up, done, no more sickness. If you’re cold, take a shot or two, you’ll heat up in no time. Seriously, try it (and when you do, let me know, because I certainly am not). I’ll stick to Tylenol and overcoat, please.

Ok, so as Dave Chappelle’s “white man” character would say, let’s “cut the malarkey.” We saw everything we needed to see, from the Stalin’s, Catherine the Great’s and Ivan the Terrible’s personal vodka to the detailed history of the drink. We were ready to sample some! Let’s get this show on the road. First, we tried one fused with cranberry- not bad. Then, just as we were about to sample the vodka fused with honey, some group of Kazakh tourist walked in and started video recording and taking pictures of us. “What the hell is going on?” I thought to myself. I felt like a celebrity. I guess we were good shot-takers. Anyway, we proceeded with our own business. After the honey shot, we tried one from the Ukraine- again, not bad. And yady yady yada, so goes the story…

They say a picture is worth a thousand words, so I’ll go ahead and let the three following images narrate the sequence of events. That way, you get three thousand words! A before, during and after shot...

Yep, a few shots of vodka will send you straight to the little kids section of this Siberian Winter Wonderland. Immature? Yea. Fun? Absolutely!

It was a long day of taking ridiculous pictures and playing child games. So long that we built up an appetite. We finished that Wednesday afternoon off with borsch, mushroom and cheese blinis and beer. A true Russian feast!

Oh yea, check this out. Schnapps with my name and college "GW" on it...